Everyone loves a good victory story. How someone overcame a hardship and found victory. We can easily place ourselves in their shoes and imagine what it would feel and look like to have that victory. But more often we read these victory stories and we strive for it ourselves but we come up short. Our walk is hard and we struggle and fail and we can’t even see the finish line and we doubt if victory is even something we can even have.
This same victory story plays right into our witness to others. It is easy to tell of the great things God brought you out of and how you have been saved but what about witnessing right in the thick of things? What about saying I’m struggling I don’t see the end and I’m doubting. No victory story, just a very real and very hard struggle story.
In my past, my go to mode of operation was when I felt weak or struggling I would retreat. I would hide the weakness and the pain and I would doctor myself up. Of course I would pray, I would study my bible and I knew the only true healing I was to find was in Christ alone but I didn’t want anyone to else to see me. What type of witness was me doubting? What type of encouragement can be brought about through a person who can’t even seem to apply what she understands in her head but for some reason can’t get it in her heart?
So, today I am reminded to witness through the struggle. I am having a hard time. I’m stressed and anxiety is at my door trying to beat it down. I know all the right things to say to myself, trust God. Let it go. Give all your worries and burdens to him. I’m praying and I’m studying God’s word. I know not look at the storm around me and to focus on Jesus. I know every one of these things in my head but my heart is hell bent on other things. I doubt and I war within myself saying God I know I am to do this but why am I struggling to do so? He is forever faithful and provides everything I need. I could quote scripture until I’m blue in the face but it seems to have no effect.
Today I struggle. Today I war, whether within myself or I fight the enemy. My problems aren’t magically solved right away. It’s a moment by moment ordeal to not throw in the towel. It’s a moment by moment fight to keep my wandering eyes and heart on him. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard, it’s gritty and painful. Today I struggle. Tomorrow I may find victory but I might have to do war again.
“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”
Romans 7:14-25 NIV