Where do I begin? How do I start?
The Lord God has a hold on my heart. It’s a hold like I have never felt before. It’s a hold like, “the present danger that you see right now, does not compare to the coming wrath.” “I have CHOSEN you, you did not choose me.” I am humbled to my core. Nothing that I have is mine nothing that I own even my own life compares to what I have been given in Christ. It has put my eyes down cast it has caused a serious surrender. What do I have here in this life, my children, my home, my own life that I can hold up before God almighty and say it’s mine? None of it. None of it compares. Not one thing I have is mine. I cannot protect myself, I cannot protect my family. I cannot even do good, think good without Christ.
All I have I lay down before the feet of Christ because it has been his from the beginning. My heart is stirred. Who am I to be chosen? I am nothing no more than a worm in the ground. Who am I to speak? I am nothing, no qualifications of any sort. In the worlds eyes I am less than. God chose less than and I’m still wondering why? Why me? Lord I am nothing but he is everything. I have nothing, but he gives me everything. And all that I do have he has given it to me and it isn’t even for me to keep but to steward. So everything that I do have that he has given me I lay down in surrender.
My heart is overcome. My mind is overcome. I surrender because to not surrender is to place myself as God and I cannot even see what happens in the moment after next. Who am I to make the decisions? Who am I to choose what is best? I am not capable.
I have been appointed for eternal life. I have had my eyes opened and my heart renewed. With this I sacrifice all. Let the world destroy me because I have already been restored where they cannot go.
What do I do in this present age? What do I do now? I hand over what he has given me because it is His already. I obey his commands. I speak what he asks me to speak. I teach what he asks me to teach. I stand in the gap. I pray on my knees. I become radical in the eyes of the world. I am not comfortable here. This place is not my home. I do not belong here but have work to do here. I train and I instruct those who belong to him not to me. He uses me to prepare warriors for himself. Warriors who will fight a battle that I have not seen so who am I to not lay down my comfort of today for the preparation for tomorrow.
Oh God how merciful you are upon me. How gracious you would choose me. How humbled I am to be in your presence and to be apart of your work. I have been gifted beyond measure. All glory belongs to you.